


Lost Light

by aquileaofthelonelymountain



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bilbo's POV, Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Thilbo, What if the hidden door had not opened on Durin's Day?, angst turning into fluff, hobbit au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 17:18:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6966082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquileaofthelonelymountain/pseuds/aquileaofthelonelymountain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Despite all their hopes, the hidden door hadn't opened for the company. Especially Thorin is downcast ... But how good that his hobbit tries to comfort him :)</p>
<p>For Cielo-Chii! I was inspired by the supercute Bagginshield fanart: http://cielo-chii.tumblr.com/post/141545367015/hmm-how-about-bagginshield-with-4 <br/>I've added some of my own thoughts, but the main inspiration I got thanks to you, Cielo!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost Light

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cielo-Chii](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Cielo-Chii).



Sleep stayed out of Bilbo’s reach tonight.

Hours had passed since he had wrapped himself into his blanket, but he had not had a snatch of sleep yet. He felt tired, very tired indeed, but it was more than physical fatigue. He had gotten used to that kind of exhaustion during their journey and could already cope with it. It was _worse_ than being exhausted. And he felt cold as well. The dwarves had set up camp for the night without any enthusiasm or care, and nobody had bothered to set up a fire. Bilbo couldn’t resent them for their cheerless behaviour. He didn’t feel any better.

They had lost the light.

The endless miles they had travelled, the many dangers they had overcome just to arrive at the hidden door in time … All in vain. Bilbo felt a lump in his throat at the memory. The sun had sent its last light across the rocks. It had lingered there teasingly, and the tension of the company had been tangible. The hidden door would finally reveal itself, any moment … But the sun had set quickly, way too quickly, and then it had been gone. Simply gone. No door had appeared or even opened. The Kingdom under the Mountain had not opened for its long lost children. It wouldn’t do so until next Durin’s Day. They had lost the light.

Bilbo felt the oppressing weight of this horrible realization – and he was only the signed burglar of their company. He had no real connection to Erebor, to its vast halls, its chambers of gold, or its throne. He could only guess how downcast the dwarves must feel. After all, Erebor was their home.

But the quest was over. It had failed.

He shifted uncomfortably and looked over their camp. There had been much noise as the other dwarves had tossed about restlessly. But now the sounds had ebbed away, and everybody seemed to be finally asleep.

Well, not everybody.

Bilbo observed that Thorin was still missing. When Balin had decided upon a place for camp, the king had let his scarce belongings slip to the ground and had left the group without a single word. The bundle was still untouched, although hours had passed.

The hobbit frowned at this observation. After the long time they had travelled and the dangers they had gone through together, he knew Thorin. The king always kept his worries to himself. But after the events at the hidden door he had been so devastated, he had hardly been able to hide his disappointment. And he couldn’t deceive the hobbit. Therefore Bilbo was worried – so far, Thorin had always been able to straighten himself and to go on. But now he was likely to pine away. He shouldn’t be left alone to brood the whole night long. The thought of Thorin staying alone in such a state made his heart ache.

Bilbo had already discovered – and accepted – what effect Thorin had on him. Being close to him, he felt … well, actually he didn’t feel quite different. He still felt like the hobbit who had left his home without a handkerchief and who was a bit out of place amongst the adventurous dwarves. But at the same time, he felt like … _more_. He felt better, safer, happier. As Gandalf had promised him, the world was out there waiting for him. But he thought that the world had even more to offer when Thorin was close to him.

He was uncertain if the dwarf shared his feelings, though their relationship had improved remarkably, especially since the events after their escape from the goblin tunnels. Ever since the Carrock – the memory caused a warm tingle in Bilbo’s belly – they had become close friends. They could sit together silently for hours or talk about everything and anything. But telling Thorin about his feelings and finding out if he felt similar was too much for Bilbo to handle. The sole thought turned his cheeks hot. He was afraid to reveal how he felt. What if Thorin didn’t feel the same? What if it changed their relationship? Would he stop smiling at him in the way that made the hobbit’s heart race? Bilbo could do better with the uncertainty than with losing that smile.

Besides, all that was not the point right now. He just wanted to make sure that Thorin was alright. Or as alright as circumstances allowed.

He rose and moved through their camp silently, considerate not to wake any of the dwarves. He wandered into the direction he remembered Thorin had gone. The sky was dull and the air chill, and Bilbo thought that he should have taken his blanket with him. However, he didn’t return but kept on going and scrambling over rocks.

He found Thorin sitting on one of these rocks far away from their camp, back turned to him. However, the sight was already enough to make Bilbo swallow. Thorin’s whole body was slumped, and he seemed smaller than he really was. Smaller and more … vulnerable. Was this really his dwarf with the regal composure that had led them all the way from the Shire to the slopes of the Lonely Mountain?

Thorin didn’t stir at Bilbo’s approach. He also stayed silent as the hobbit moved to stand in front of him. Instead, he kept staring into the distance. Bilbo was not sure, but he thought that the hidden door lay in the direction Thorin was gazing.

But the dwarf didn’t see anything. His eyes were clouded, and the crinkles around them seemed to be deeper than some hours ago. His lips were pressed to a tight line. He didn’t only look smaller, but older as well. Bilbo had never seen the king in such a heartrending state. Not as he overheard the conversation about the threat of his succumbing to dragon-sickness, not as he had been injured by orcs, not as he had been imprisoned in the Woodland Realm.

A single day – day? A few moments! – had managed what years of sufferings, exile, and war had not achieved.

The loss of something as little as a ray of light had broken Thorin Oakenshield.

The thought was too much to bear. Feeling more than just a touch of sadness and compassion, Bilbo took a step forward and enfolded Thorin in his arms.

Thorin’s body tensed, but then he let out several shaky breaths – Bilbo could feel them clearly as the dwarf’s head rested against his chest – and finally eased. After some moments he stretched his arms out, put them around Bilbo and clung to him in an almost helpless gesture.

Bilbo didn’t say a word, but moved his hands up and down Thorin’s back in what he hoped could count as a soothing gesture. Despite his earlier observation, he marvelled at how tall Thorin was: Even while he was sitting down, he could rest his chin on Thorin’s head. The dark hair tickled his skin, but it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling. Bilbo shifted a bit so he could inhale Thorin’s scent better. It reminded him of the wind coming down from the mountains, bearing a hint of snow. It deemed him fit for the King under the Mountain.

Bilbo gave in to the temptation and moved his head once more so that his lips brushed over the dark strands. Their softness made his lips prickle and sent a pleasant shiver down his spine. The touch was as light as thistledown, but if Thorin noticed it he didn’t say anything about it. So Bilbo remained in this position, relishing their closeness. However, his worries didn’t disappear: Thorin’s skin felt cold after so many hours of just sitting here, and some of his shaky breaths sounded so much like oppressed sobs that Bilbo had to choke back his own tears. He dug his face deeper into Thorin’s hair, finding comfort for himself.

After long moments, the pressure of Thorin’s arms around Bilbo’s hips tightened. The hobbit raised his head as the dwarf finally spoke. His voice was faint and unsteady.

“What shall I do now, Bilbo?”

Bilbo. He had only called him by his first name once, after their escape from the Woodland Realm in the barrels when Thorin hadn’t found their half drowned burglar and had been looking for him frantically. Bilbo had thought it to be a mere slip because the dwarf hadn’t mentioned it anymore and had returned to his habit of calling him Master Baggins. Not even their growing friendship had stopped that. It felt nice to hear his name from Thorin’s lips. It had an unexpected … intimate touch.

Bilbo kept stroking the king’s broad back. “I’m afraid I can’t tell you, Thorin”, he answered in his softest voice. Thorin tensed under his hands as he heard these words. “But I know that you will find an answer. And whatever you decide to do, it will be the right thing. I’m convinced of it.”

Thorin shifted his position so he could look up into Bilbo’s face. His hands still rested around his hips. “You sound confident. Why?”

“Why?” Bilbo gave a little laugh. “I’ve got enough reasons, don’t you think?” He bent down a bit so they were almost at eye level. “You were forced out of your home into exile, but did you give up? Or did you give up after the battle of Azanulbizar, when you became the leader of your people? And what about this quest? So many told you that it was impossible, but you’ve come so far. I don’t think that this setback will stop you from reclaiming your home. You will find another way, and your people will follow you because they believe in you.” Bilbo smiled at Thorin. He had hardly realized that his hands had moved during talking. Now they cupped the king’s face, and his beard felt soft under Bilbo’s palms. “We all do.”

Thorin looked back at him, eyes wide with amazement as if he couldn’t believe what Bilbo was telling him. Then, a faint smile appeared on his face. Bilbo felt his own face brighten up at the sight.

“Bilbo”, he said, and his voice was so warm and affectionate the hobbit’s heart skipped a beat, “you are a marvel.”

The heat rose into Bilbo’s cheeks at these words. He wasn’t certain how to react. They were spoken so tenderly, and the way Thorin looked up at him … The blue eyes, now illuminated by the faint light of the stars, were beaming with fondness. Could it really be that the promises they spoke of were only meant for him? He yearned for it, oh dear, he yearned so much for it. If it could be more than a dream, more than a mere fancy …

But musing about possible meanings of the look in these eyes was futile for Bilbo found himself already drawn to Thorin’s lips. They deemed him so soft, so inviting, so irresistible. He _could_ not resist kissing them.

They were separated by nothing more than a hair’s breadth when Thorin turned his head aside.

Bilbo froze, his face so close to the dwarf’s that his breath brushed his cheek. He wasn’t sure what was happening right now. He only knew that something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Was it his fault? He had misunderstood the look in Thorin’s eyes, had he? But –

As if he had read his thoughts, Thorin turned his head again and looked up at Bilbo through his lashes. He seemed somewhat shy. “I’m sorry, Bilbo”, he said, his voice hoarse.

“I … I didn’t … I just …”, Bilbo stammered, now panicking. What had he been thinking? He had only heard what he wanted in Thorin’s voice, had just seen what he longed for in his eyes. But reality – reality was –

He couldn’t look in these eyes that had deemed him so wonderful – they still did – any longer. Flustered and ashamed, he let go of the king’s face and wanted to retreat backwards. However, Thorin grasped his arms and kept him close. In fact, he pulled him even closer. Now it was Thorin’s turn to hold Bilbo’s face between his hands. Despite of the strength with which he had pulled the hobbit to him, his touch was soft. His thumb moved in slight circles over Bilbo’s cheek – the gesture was probably intended to soothe Bilbo, but instead it made his heart race faster.

“Bilbo”, he said, once more in this tender voice. Now the hobbit was sure that he hadn’t been mistaken – there was no way he could misunderstand the warmth, the longing in the deep voice. “Any other day”, Thorin whispered, continuing with his caressing. “On any other day, I would have kissed you. Mahal, I should have done so long before. I longed for it – for you so long. But today? I’m so sorry, Bilbo.” He moved one of his hands to graze Bilbo’s temple. “The memory of kissing you – of kissing you for the first time would always be mingled with the despair I felt at the hidden door. When remembering this day, I would always remember one of the most devastating moments in my life. It would always be a shadow, darkening the most beautiful thing I can imagine.” He looked at him, the longing in his eyes no longer hidden, but intense as a flame. “You deserve better, Bilbo.”

Bilbo blinked. He was hardly able to grasp a clear thought. Thorin wanted to kiss him? He longed for him? He returned his feelings! His head was spinning, and there were definitely butterflies in his stomach. But when he opened his mouth, he said something different than endearments or love confessions. Something _very_ different.

“You obstinate, pig-headed, difficult dwarf!”

The fond, circling movement of Thorin’s thumb on his cheek stopped, and he looked at Bilbo with wide eyes. But before he could say anything, the hobbit went on furiously: “You’re the greatest fool I’ve ever met! You don’t want what would be a beautiful memory to be spoiled by something bad that happened the same day, eh? Have you ever thought about the whole thing in reverse? That the memory of kissing me could ease the pain? That you could look back on today and think ‘The hidden door didn’t open and I was really downcast, but it was also the day Bilbo kissed me for the first time and told me that he loved me and I wouldn’t want to miss that day?’ Have you thought about that?!” He huffed. It felt rather awkward to teach Thorin a lesson and to be hold by him at the same time. But honestly – how could he be _such_ _a_ _stubborn_ _fool_?

The king was astonished and stared at Bilbo in bewilderment. “Did you just call me a fool and tell me that you loved me all in one breath?”

Bilbo blushed. He had not planned to go this far in confessing his feelings. It had just gushed out. But that didn’t mean that it wasn’t true.

“I guess so. Yes. I … I’ve fallen in love with you.” He cleared his throat. “Although I hadn’t imagined to tell you this way. By yelling at you. Sorry about that.”

The stunned expression on Thorin’s face turned into a smile, and he gave a low chuckle. “A marvel indeed”, he repeated before drawing Bilbo closer and kissing him.

The shock did only last for a moment. Bilbo threw his arms around Thorin’s neck, grasping his shirt and pulling him closer. He had been right: Thorin’s lips _were_ soft and inviting, and the pressure of them on his own made his knees wobbly. But as if sensing this weakness, Thorin laid a hand on his back to steady him. The other caressed Bilbo’s face, stroking his cheek, moving through his curls, and finally tracing the outlines of his sensitive ear. That was almost too much for Bilbo to handle, and he had to break away and gasp for breath.

Panting, he looked at Thorin. He was as breathless as the hobbit, but smiled at him nonetheless. Bilbo could see the sparkle in his blue eyes again, but this time he knew for sure what it meant – and that the affection in them was meant for him.

With a fast beating heart, Bilbo bent down and kissed Thorin once more. He did so adoringly, almost devotionally. He was determined to savour every moment, every sensation. The softness of Thorin’s lips, the warm palms on his cheeks, and his own firm yet gentle grip of Thorin’s hair … If he had felt cold when he had scrambled over the rocks to look for the king, nothing reminded him of the chill night air anymore. Instead, he felt a pleasant warmth, almost heat, all the way from his head to his toes, but strongest in his chest. He leaned towards Thorin, daring to slightly part his lips and fuel the heat. His boldness was answered readily, and he shared a sigh of pleasure with Thorin.

They parted once more, not as breathless as before, but beaming at each other silently. Bilbo was glad beyond words to see Thorin smile. It was as if the dwarf’s grief was washed away. He was Thorin as he should be again, and the hobbit almost burst with joy at the sight.

“Close your eyes”, he demanded in a soft voice. The king did so, and Bilbo said: “Now think of today. Tell me: What do you feel?”

Thorin did not answer at once, but pondered about this request. “Joy”, he finally said, and the smile on his face deepened. “There are things that ought to make me disheartened, but it’s difficult to feel any sadness when I can still taste your lips on mine.”

“Oh, you confounded dwarf!” With a laugh, Bilbo gave Thorin a peck on his eyelid.

His dwarf took this as a sign to open his eyes again. “Thank you, Bilbo”, he said quietly. He gave him a puzzled look, and Thorin explained: “For bearing with me. For always knowing how to cheer me up. For simply being you, my love.” He kissed Bilbo ever so lightly. “How can I ever lose the light as long as you are at my side?”

“Stop making me blush”, Bilbo chided him gently. “I’m just happy that you are confident again. You will find a way to reclaim Erebor. I believe in you, Thorin.”

“ _We_ will find a way”, Thorin said, pulling Bilbo down onto his lap and enfolding him in his arms.

In that moment, the clouds in the sky above Erebor parted and let the moonlight shine upon the lovers as if to prove: They hadn’t lost the light.


End file.
